YUYAN'S.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010, 11:46 AM

*Warning*: Wordy post with no pics just alot of words ahead.

Was randomly surfing around people's blogs when I saw an article Kevin quoted on his blog. Thought the article struck a chord with me so I'm gonna talk about it here in my blog too, heh.

The article is originally from this blog called Marc and Angel Hack Life, and it is titled 'What We Have Been Searching All Along'.

I'm not gonna quote the whole article, cuz the main point is only in the 2nd half. So I'm just gonna summarize the background first.

Basically, this writer had a friend who came to him with a problem. This friend (okay we name him X) had actually been searching far and wide for quite some time for a soulmate and a long, lasting relationship. After a long search, he finally found this woman who was everything he wanted. He rejoiced, because he knew she was a rare find. Things went great for them and they were blissfully in love.

But after some years he began to find faults with her. He felt that she didn't really trust him enough, she had issues with self-confidence, she was messy, and sometimes she acted silly when he wanted to be serious. So he began to doubt the relationship.

Subconsciously, he tested her. He'd purposely look around for dirty things in the apartment to prove she was messy. He'd go out with his guy friends to see her level of trust in him. He'd even set her up in situations so that he can prove she acts silly all the time. (I think alot of us do this. Like when we see something we don't like in someone, then we would go out of our way to spot the times this person commits the mistake and we'd go like 'see see he did it again!')

So obviously, she got all shaken and confused and failed the 'tests' more and more often. X then finds himself at a crossroads. To continue being with this woman, or not???

That is when he approached the writer of Marc and Angel Hack Life. And this writer told him the following: (yes this is the highlight of the article now)

" One of the greatest lessons we get to learn in life is that we are often attracted to a bright light in another person. Initially, this light is all we see. It’s so bright and beautiful. But after awhile, as our eyes adjust, we notice that this light is accompanied by a shadow – and usually a fairly large one.

When we see this shadow, we have two choices: We can either shine our own light on the shadow or we can run from it and continue searching for a shadowless light.

If we decide to run from the shadow, we must also run from the light that created it. And we soon find out that our light is the only light illuminating the space around us. Then, at some point, as we look closer at our own light, we notice something out of the ordinary. Our light is casting a shadow too. And our shadow is a bigger and darker than some of the other shadows we’ve seen.

If, on the other hand, instead of running from the shadow, we decide to walk towards it, something amazing happens. We inadvertently cast our own light on the shadow, and likewise, the light that created this shadow casts its light on ours. Suddenly, both shadows begin to disappear. Not completely, of course, but every the part of the two shadows that are touched by the other person’s light illuminate and disappear.

And as a result, we each find more of that bright beautiful light in the other person – which is precisely what we have been searching for all along. "

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I guess it's pretty easy to intepret what he's trying to say. Whenever we first get attracted to someone, we only see his good side. How cute he is, how caring he is, how good he is with his directions, how good he is in arts & craft.

But with time we see other things about this person. His flaws, mostly. How he sometimes turns up late for dates, how he ignores you when he's tired, how jealous he sometimes gets and how he sometimes places other priorities (such as work and friends) before you.

And then we have doubts. We start testing him. Each time he fails the test, we get hurt, and then develop more doubts. It never ends.

And it won't ever end, until we realize one thing. We all have our flaws. I know I have alot. I can get pretty insecure, needy and demanding. I'm horribly bad at directions and I am always late for appointments. I hate talking about serious stuff cuz I prefer to run away from problems and pretend they don't exist. (Yes I'm a coward this way, haha.) These flaws will exist in us, always, no matter where we go, no matter who we end up with.

I believe in true love. BUT, I don't believe it in the sense that there is this perfect someone out there for you, specifically made for you, and as long as you find this person, then everything falls into place. Nothing in life comes this easy. True love exist, yes, but it requires effort to make it happen. Obviously there are people you get along better with and people you don't get along with, but I don't believe in 'He's a much better person for you than I am cuz he can give you this and I can't. Therefore you're better off without me.' If your partner feels someone else is better for him/her than you are, he/she'd tell you. You can't just say 'we'd both find someone more suitable for us' and then walk away and give up the fight. A new person that comes along brings along with him/her a new set of flaws you have to deal with. This is a fact of life.

So are you just gonna walk away from the relationship just because you found out your other half whom you thought you loved very much has a 'shadow' along with his/her 'bright light'? If you really love the person, then you should work together with him/her to get pass these flaws you both have. Shine your lights on each other, make your flaws become smaller, make yourselves become better people for each other.

If you run from his/her flaws, you're also running from his/her good side. What about the times you both laughed together, shared your dreams with each other and promised each other that someday, you'd walk hand in hand down the beach when you're both old and wrinkly?

I believe that as long as we fight, as long as we put in the effort, we can make things work. (Unless of course your other half is a cheater or a gf-beater then different story, you should run as fast as you can cuz if he cheats, he probably doesn't love you, and if he beats, he needs professional help fast. I'm talking about 2 generally normal people who are in love.) Don't give up so easily.

I have faith, always will have faith, in you.